Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Dec 1, 2010




This is hard to do 
Learning Vietnamese has been one of the most humbling experiences in my life. And I mean humbling, not humiliating. I've been humiliated a time or two, but in general tasks, hobbies, educational efforts and athletic pursuits have come easily to me. Outside of getting my ass kicked by semiprofessional modern dancers in the 80s when I moved to Seattle to dance, I can't think of any other huge challenge like this. The difference is that then I quit dancing post haste (because it was hard) and took up soccer (which was relatively easy).  


Specifically, I struggle so with Vietnamese because it comes so SLOWLY and I'm used to picking things up quickly. It takes me forever to learn all the vowels and to type and to look up the words and forever and ever and ever to translate the assignments that Master Kim gives me.  I haven't given up yet on the Vietnamese. Yet.




I continue the effort
The reason I stick with it is the whole point of the VuiLong blog (http://vuilong.blogspot.com/): the learning of Viet is a metaphor that helps me to understand myself and my life. 

For some reason, drilling the alcoholism and PTSD down to these really complicated and subtle Vietnamese pronouns and verbs has been profound for me. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

chúc mừng năm mới - Happy New Year!



mọi thứ sẽ là ok

mọi            all

thứ              things

mọi thứ       everything

sẽ               will

là               is/be

sẽ là          will be



In 2012 everything is going to be ok, because everything is just as it's supposed to be in this moment. Imagine that!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

How to forgive a friend


Welcome back to the web's weakest blog. It's supposed to reflect how, for me, learning Vietnamese is a parallel project to learning the Dharma. 




Consistency continues to be my greatest challenge. Here and in all components of my spiritual life.


I have been paralyzed by my past (again), and am picking it (the old trauma) back up in a difficult relationship in the present. (Again.) Brilliant, right? 


Sorrow
Artist: Lauren Brodeur


It's OK, I suppose, as long as I learn and grow from it, not just whine. I keep going back to the same type of person and same type of relationship so that I can keep learning and eventually get this particular karma burned through.


The details aren't important, but the lesson is. There are a few reasons why I don't feel ready to let go of being pissed, namely:

  • I don't feel that you are really sorry for your part in this.
  • I'm not convinced that you understand how badly you hurt me.
  • I am still harboring resentment for some of the other ways you have hurt me in the past.


Here’s the opportunity: Forgiveness is a gift I can give to myself.  It's a choice to release the burden of anger and pain. If I choose to forgive, I choose to live in the present instead of the past.  It does not mean I have to forget but it does mean I'm going to  release and go on.  


Forgiveness isn't going to happen on its own, I must choose to forgive. If I can let this go I can move to a happier place and then we can have a long and healthy friendship.


gây = cause 
tổn hại =harm
lặp lại= repeat

người bạn = friend

tha thứ = forgive
Tôi yêu bạn người bạn = I love you, friend

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Hai mươi một Quán Thế Âm Bồ Tát - 21 Taras

Tara, the Divine Mother of All the Buddhas


Let's just run through the 21 Taras, shall we?  With 21 Taras and 21 posts I'll try to learn a few Viet words along the way. But before we begin, here is my little BuddhistWitch Disclaimer just to further confuse things:

  • First, I practice and study Buddhism as a philosophy and I am disenchanted with it as *A Religion*
  • Secondly, I believe in some kind of order and logic in our universe. I call this karma, because that's the commonly understood word that comes closest to naming what I've seen. (And I don't understand shit about physics, sorry.)
  • Thirdly, I believe in magic, or angels, or divine intervention, or miracles or whatever else one might choose to call any number of crazy phenomenon that science can't explain. (Especially those that have saved my own life.) 


Who or what is this Tara?

Tara is a Bodhisattva, and a Buddha, and a Pictsie, and a Guardian Angel, and a Woman, and a grrrrrll.  In Tibet she is called Tara, in China she is Kwan Yin, in Viet Nam she is Quan The Am.
Here she is in my backyard, doing my hair.
There are, of course, a gazillion other representations of her as Goddess Mother, but beyond Tara, Brigid (Celtic Goddess of Art, Forge, and Healing) and Artemis (Greek Goddess of the Hunt, the Hounds, and Protector of Children)  I don't try to keep up with all the Goddesses, because these seem to cover all the bases.

hai mươi một                         twenty one
Bồ Tát                                  Bodhisattva
Phật                                      Buddha
Nữ Thần                               Goddess
ma thuật                                magic
tôi không hiểu                       I don't understand
vật lý                                    physics

Saturday, June 11, 2011

small victory

không bao = no bag 
cảm ơn chú Duoc = thank you Uncle Duoc


Heard these things when I was out in the world yesterday. Finally! I'm finally picking up things quickly. Tiny things, but Vietnamese phrases. Yay. Sheesh.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

I am too busy

Aaarrghh. I've been distracted. I haven't given up on Vietnamese, but I've def fallen behind. I'm a little disappointed, but it's ok, I'll get back on track.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sad and Beautiful Stories Câu Chuyện Buồn và đẹp

I’m always moved by the music of the Decemberists 



It’s so beautiful and gruesome.  One blogger writes, “They write ye olde precious indie music, reveling in aggressive usage of literary devices and folksy interpretations of encyclopedia entries, and their twee performances overflow with corny vaudevillian banter, to the delight of their insufferable teacher's-pet following” 


We’ll get back to this in a minute. For now, we go to White Center. Here are our food bank homies:


These days I’m listening to stories told by people who were born in other lands.

(Digression and note of clarification: Other lands means "not the U.S." U.S.emigrants from outside of the Pac NW coast don’t qualify. Yes I know the left coast, the south and the midwest are so very different than western Washington, but when I hear a privileged white person talking about emigrating within the U.S. I get a little cranky. We're Americans; just deal with it. And don’t feel guilty about it, that doesn’t work, I’m not promoting wallowing in white guilt. I just ask that you (we/me) stop whining about the "pain" of making the cultural shift within/between regions of the U.S.)



I’ve heard some amazing stories from my White Center friends. Stories of:
  • Crouching in a river holding your three little kids around you because Pol Pot’s soldiers are in your house. One of those kids will die before you get out of the refugee camp. Your husband was already executed. You are 19 years old.
  •  Fleeing Sarajevo in the night with the clothes you’re wearing: leaving your life’s savings in the bank, and leaving your (grown) son in the hospital where he recovers from having his foot shot off by a sniper.
  • Watching your parents run a numbers game,  trying to keep one step ahead of the bigger mafia so they can send you to school.
  • Your mother putting poison in the family dinner for her, you, and your six siblings to ingest because she couldn't take the American (we call it the "Vietnam") War and its toll anymore. (She stopped short, btw, before everyone ate it. She threw the food away and the family went hungry that night. But they lived, she lived, through the desperation.)
  • Successfully operating a profitable import/export business throughout the Khmer Rouge regime only to be crushed by the Viet Cong. So you leave everything behind and give birth on the way to a refugee camp. (Maybe I’ll cover some Latina, Iraqi and Somalian tales in a later post.)  


Those stories are intense, and they mean so much to me. To my friends I say, thank you for the honor of including me in your telling. 


My story, like that of so many white people, is lost. Or, more accurately, I only have this one story (and I’m sick of it), so I'm trying to patch together all these random stories about "me" and figure how they are mine.


My ancestors fled their Welsh homeland when Christians were killing Druids in the 12th (?) century and it was obvious that they were next. Within a few generations they were identifying as English. In the states they hacked, slashed, burned and murdered their way west, that’s how long we’ve been here. First conquering Missouri, and eventually kicking ass in the Rockies and landing in Idaho.


My stories are myths, and I have to stitch them together. And I’ve got a long way to go.

Now, I don’t have kids so this might be where I get into trouble but here goes: as a parent what stories do you want your kid to carry? What happens when your kids are all about Acuras and Abercrummy and Finch? Do you want your kids to know about the night in the river or digging food out of the garbage? Or do you want to shield your kids from the pain, because you don’t want them to pity or disdain you? What do you teach your kids about the bonds of ancestry?


(For the record: yes, my mother also got our food out of the garbage can for a time in the 70’s, and the only, tired story I have is, “My name is Sarah and I’m an alcoholic…”)

Since I’m not a parent I’ve got to try to understand so I listen to these stories. Here's the one the Decemberists (white, U.S. born people) tell that I like: 






The song

Sons and Daughters by the Decemberists


When we arrive
Sons & daughters
We'll make our homes on the water
We'll build our walls aluminum
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon now

These currents pull us 'cross the border
Steady your boats
Arms to shoulder
'till tides will pull
our hull aground
Making this cold harbour now home

Take up your arm
Sons and daughters
We will arise from the bunkers
By land, by sea, by dirigible
We'll leave our tracks untraceable now

When we arrive
Sons and daughters
We'll make our homes on the water
We'll build our walls aluminum
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon now
(We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon now)

When we arrive
Sons and daughters
We'll make our homes on the water
We'll build our walls aluminum
(Sons and daughters)
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon
(We'll make our homes on the water)
We'll make our homes on the water
(When we build our walls of aluminum)
(We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon)

Here all the bonds they fade away (x20)


Today's vocabulary:

buồn                         sad
bài hát                      song(s)
câu chuyện             story
du lịch                       travel
nguy hiểm               danger
con trai và con gái   sons and daughters
bảo vệ                      protect
còn sống                 survive/alive
thích ứng                 adapt, accomodate   
chất độc                   poison
sông                         river
thoát khỏi                escape
chiến tranh                  war