Master Kim has asked me to write about how I came to embrace Buddhism. This is an article that he will translate into Viet and publish in Viet and English for Tet.
I knew that I was a Buddhist when I was a small child and understood reincarnation and karma, though no one ever taught me these things. I came to take Refuge in the Three Jewels because of pain and suffering, but there is also another truth: a very compassionate and powerful Buddha has held my life in her hands for many years, and sees to it that I deliver this message about courage, compassion and wisdom.
It is to her that I dedicate my life and my work. In the tradition of Co Lam, this Buddha is Quan The Am. In China she is called Kwan Yin. In Tibet and in my heart, her name is Tara.
For white people in America, deeply encountering Buddhism is a rare and precious gift indeed, for unlike Vietnam and other Asian countries, Buddhism is not a part of our daily lives; we have no altars in our homes, there is no incense or food offerings or chanting.
I grew up in America in a middle class white family that held no spiritual or religious views. I would say it was a sad and frightened family. One of my parents suffered enormously from alcoholism and shame, and died before I became an adult. The other parent struggled for a lifetime with mental illness and insecurity. In this family there was little peace and safety.
In my childhood home there were many situations unsafe for children. We were left alone to care for ourselves when we were far too young to do so. In Vietnamese culture families stay together and grandparents help to care for young children. This is not how it is done in the United States; people move away from their parents and then pay strangers to raise their children. Or, if there is not money to pay others, the children are left to care for themselves.
Safety and Refuge are the reasons I came to the Buddhism. Quan The Am has deeply touched my heart and my life so that I may now take care of myself and help others as well. Quan The Am has given me the love and protection that I needed. I needed to learn how to have compassion for my family and at the same time keep myself safe and able to lead a productive life.
When children are not cared for properly for many days, months and years at a time, their brains will not develop properly and they become fearful. Of course children handle their fear in different ways - some become angry and harm others, some become fearful and harm themselves or withdraw. Buddhism can help us overcome these forms of suffering.
Later, as an adult, I learned that in Buddhism we call these reactions obscurations or impediments and we can work to change our thoughts and behaviors to eliminate these attachments and character defects.
During this time of my childhood the United States was at war trying to come to the aid of the people of Viet Nam. When I was a child, my parents wanted to help their children but they could not. At this same time, the US Government wanted to help Viet Nam but, in the end, could not. Though the US wanted to help, much pain was delivered to the US soldiers who went to Viet Nam and to their families who loved them. Even more pain was experienced by the people of Viet Nam, but I have no experience to tell you, the people of Co Lam, this. I can only try to share my compassion. I can only tell you this: there was a small girl in Colorado who watched and wondered and feared. Small American children knew that you suffered, and powerless over their own suffering, shared compassionately the injustice and desire for peace.
In order to become a Buddhist I knew that I needed to learn more. So first I read. I read books by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh. Then I started attending services at the Sakya Monastery in the Greenwood neighborhood. When I took refuge I was learning in the Tibetan tradition, which is very popular among white people.
Because of my work with young children and my desire to understand more about the experience of refugees I became very interested in the Vietnamese language and culture. Co Lam Pagoda is one place I learn more about Viet Nam and Vietnamese Buddhism.
I also gather with other women to practice the Dance of the 21 Taras, in which we praise the aspects of Tara/Quan The Am in order to bring blessings and release from suffering to all who witness the performance. This Dance is performed annually at Sayka Monastery and all people from Co Lam are invited to attend. People who wish to learn more are welcome to meet with us and give homage to Quan The Am in this manner.
I had the very good fortune and karma to meet a dear Vietnamese friend with whom I work to support families and children in White Center. This is a precious friendship which has taught me much about Buddhism and unconditional love. Master Kim has become my teacher and my friend, and helps me to understand Pure Land Buddhism.
I do not speak or read Vietnamese, unfortunately, so it is a very slow process for me to learn the Dharma at Co Lam or Van Hoa. I study Buddhism in English, but I strive to attend Quan The Am chanting as often as I can.
The people at Co Lam have been very helpful and kind to me. I would love to see more white people come to Co Lam and learn about the beautiful culture and kindness of the Viet people here. I thank you for your warm welcome.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
